Don't Give Up

You just keep going right? Even when you've given up on the very thought of hope. Pull yourself back together take one last look back and try to move forward. Learn from it the best you can and try to forget the rest. Reminding yourself it's just a moment in time, it's just a part of life, it's going to pass. Nothing last forever.

Try and pretend like it didn't hurt, pretend like it never did. Try to fool all around you including yourself. When you start to slip, keep telling yourself to get a grip, just get a better grip.

It can be hard to change a mindset after it has become your defense mechanism, your second nature, your way to cope.

But it's not impossible. It takes time and all your efforts.

When life is full of confusion who do you look to for guidance? Where can you find an outstretched hand to help you when you have fallen? Sometimes you can’t see it but there are people all around you that care and want to help. Don’t push them away. It may be an instinct but it’s not healthy or right.

Your instincts may save you in the wild but this isn't the wild. This is society. You find your place and you play your part is what is implied. You will find a place where you are truly happy. It may take a long time or it may not. Just keep believing in yourself and never stop. It may be hard work but it will be worth it.

I'm so thankful and appreciative for those who have not given up on me despite my short comings, my faults, and flaws. For believing in me when I could not believe in myself, when I could not love myself. When I am blind and unable to feel.

Big Hero 6

So last night was kinda a movie night. Mom and I just vegged out on the couch after our supper of chicken and rice. We watched Focus with Will Smith and Big Hero 6. I had a bowl of chocolate ice cream in place of popcorn.

When I watched Big Hero 6 I was expecting it to kinda suck because let’s face it some of the newer kids movies are a bit cliché. To my surprise it was pretty good. I felt bad for the main character his name is Heiro. His parents died when he was three years old so he lives with his aunt and his brother. His aunt owns a café shop and his brother goes to a nerd school.

Heiro is bot fighting which is both popular and illegal. Heiros big brother wants him to use his big brain for something good, something better than bot fighting. So he brings him to his nerd school and enlightens him. He works really hard to invent these micro-bots to get into the school. Everyone there is amazed by his invention someone tries to buy it off him but he says no, because it takes time to perfect an invention.

There is a huge fire that happens in the building. Heiro’s brother rushes in to save the professor saying “someone has to help”. The explosion kills Heiro’s brother leaving him with nothing but his belongings.

Heiro later finds his brothers invention of a health care robot. This starts a great adventure to find and stop the person that stole his micro-bots.

I really like this movie because it shows him dealing with his grief and slowly overcoming it. It shows him becoming a better and wiser person. That he values what his brother believed in and how to honor that. That revenge doesn’t solve anything.  

My Ethnicity

I hope I get to go to the Philippines this summer. Mom and I have been talking about it for a while. It’s quite costly to fly half way around the world, but I think it would defiantly be worth it.

The last time I went to the Philippines was when I was really little, like elementary school little. Not that I have grown much haha. It was a really fun and exciting experience. It was strange to be in a place where I had so many relatives looking after me. They were all so nice and funny. I found it hard to understand what they were saying half the time though.

The food was defiantly at its finest. It was so fresh and extremely local. I remember my cousins climbing trees and picking fruit for me. It’s like having an apple tree in your back yard but instead of it being apples there’s papaya, jack-fruit, coconuts, mangoes, and so much more. I like having a variety of different healthy food that don’t taste like cardboard.

I found a baby bird tangled up in the rice field one time. I didn't

want to leave it to get eaten so I kept it. I made it a nest out of a coconut shell and some fluffy stuff. I brought the little guy everywhere with me and often dug up worms for it to eat. Sadly I had it on my bed one time and my cousin sat on it by accident, and well that was the end of that…

I really look forward to seeing the family again. They probably won’t even recognize me at first. They will be pulling me every which way showing me around the island. One thing I don’t look forward to is the cold showers I’ll have to take but maybe we’ll have a hot water heater by the time we get there.

Give Me Spring

Man oh man I cannot wait for spring. Its technically spring right now, but I can assure you that it does not feel like it! The wind is blowing cold and some of the snow banks are still taller than me (not that it takes much haha). Ohh and its snowing right now!! I mean it’s pretty cool to watch but way to cool to touch.

I can’t wait for the warmer weather. Just being able to go on a walk, run, or hike without freezing my extremities off would be nice. Being able to move without a marshmallow covering would definitely be one of the things on the top of my list.

Spring cleaning. Even though it doesn’t sound like much fun I look forward to it. This is when I get to bring out and sort my summer clothes. I love the feeling of bringing in some different colors to my dresser and taking the clothes I’ve gotten bored of out.

Cleaning up the yard from all the fallen branches is a must. The fun part is when there’s a big bonfire. We all sit around talking and telling stories. Sometimes even roast marshmallows at the end.

Mudding season is one of the best parts. There’s nothing better than jumping on a four-wheeler and letting out some steam after a long day. I love it when the mud gets flung in every direction. Splashing though puddles and romping around. It’s even more fun when you have other people to romp around with.

I can’t wait for the grass to start growing and the sweet smell of blossoms to be in the air. The buzzing of bees and the chirps of birds. No more brown and salt cover snow on the sides of the road. No more scraping the windshield in the mornings. Oooo I just cannot wait!

Balance

Life is a constant balancing act which cannot be measured in weight. It's a constant experiment to test how much you can handle and how much you can take. There are many different trials and challenges that can come your way through out a day.

Making a decision and sticking with it can be difficult, but it’s better than changing your mind over and over and never getting and end result to any. Keep your mind on track and focused without waver of distractions is important. This can be interesting when details can be distractions.

Keep your thoughts calm, cool, and collected. I always say. Even though I can feel the world swirl around me. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to do yoga and deep breathing in a chaotic environment. Other times I feel like I'm just waiting to blow or erupt like a volcano. Lava tension just bubbling under the surface and I have to keep stuffing it down.

I try not to let anything bother me or push my buttons. There's no point of getting upset over things that shouldn't matter. Aint nobody got time for that. Brush it off. Keep the negativity away. Don't be sensitive to infliction. Don't let your emotions get the best of you. Everything is only temporary so enjoy what you have before it’s gone and you’re too late. You’re going to miss it.

It's hard to know what you need sometimes. Whether to take a step back or to jump in. It can be difficult figuring out the big questions in life and no one can really answer them but you. There are times where you have to step back and try to look at the big picture. Other times you have to jump in and just go through the motions.

Typical Mornings

Does anyone else struggle with mornings because I do. I hate being late but it's almost enviable. It doesn't matter what time I get up, because some how the minutes fly by before I can even get my car set to preheat. When my feet hit the cold floor I am jolted back to the reality of another on going day. I shuffle to the bathroom to brush my teeth, letting the water run to warm so I can wash my face. My alarm to get up usually goes off when i have soap all over my face. I slightly squint them open to turn it off, trying not to get any in my eye. I have many alarms on my phone to somewhat keep me on track, if not I can get to distracted in one thing. My clothes are usually half picked out and laid on my bed from the night before. This saves me some time and from frantically taring through my dresser that I will just have to refold later. There's never any time for breakfast or make up, so I usually quickly look through the fridge for anything I can grab. A few swipes of mascara and gloss dose the trick for a fast pace morning.

The more the time slips by the faster I start moving. This can mess me up because I get frantic and flustered. I will start looking around for something freaking out where it went when it's already in my hand. I just shake my head and keep going. When I gather my things together I try my best to not forget anything, but my brain is on auto pilot. It's always my poor lonely head phones that get left behind. They rest in my pocket of days before sweatshirt or jacket. My last alarm goes off usually when I'm doing final touches and choking down some vitamins. When I run out the door I take one last look in the mirror and hope for the best. Then I'm outtie.